Trumbull's Mumbles

Ok, blog delay. Not my fault.

Comcast screwed up my apartment's connection and we haven't had the internet until now.

I really do not like Comcast.

During the month of April, we did not have internet access for 6 days.

Where's my discount?

If I set up a system with Dominoes Pizza, where I pay a monthly fee to have a pizza delivered everyday, and then they skip 6 days of pizza, I assure you the people at Dominoes would understand my anger, and refund those pizzas.

Probably throw in some crazy bread too.

You hear me, Comcast?

When I make metaphors, I tend to use pizza metaphors. Everyone can relate to them. They're delicious.

I spent yesterday at mom's house, helping her clean out the basement for remodeling.

I found lots of cool stuff.

Notably a folder titled, "Josh's School Papers."

The first page was my evaluation from Kindergarden.

This quote jumped out:

"Josh's gross motor skills seem to be slightly below average for a kindergarden age child. He is not yet skipping or coordinating himself confidently when using a ball."

That is a real quote. No joke, I will show you the paper if necessary.

What was Mrs. Trumbull talking about?

If you wanna know the real motivation behind her slander, it was, you guessed it, jealousy.

In reality, I was light years ahead of my peers when it came to athletic development.

Here is a photo of me at age 5 on the kindergarden playground.

During the mid 1980's in Wilmette, my elementary school looked kind of like Hong Kong.

I don't know why. Ask the PTA.

Look at the other kids admiring my lean muscle mass.

You might be asking yourself, why I looked somewhat Asian as a child?

Simple.

Part of Pro bodybuilding is maintaining a dark tan. It helps the muscle definition stand out.

I also used to squint my eyes when being photographed. Makes me look tougher. Think Clint Eastwood.

You might also be asking youself, what is that hanging from my neck in the photo?

A whistle.

Aside from training dolphins with that whistle, I appointed myself as Drill Sergent of my kindergarden class.

At any given time, I would blow that whistle and demand 30 push-ups, and I'm not talkin' about ice cream push-ups. Although the orange ones were delightful.


Regardless, if there is one common trend I see among small children, it is laziness.

Constant napping. Crying, whining, and asking you to carry them.

The only kind of kids I carry are injured ones.



The laziness is even worse if you look at really young children.

Babies practically do nothing all day.

"Check out my baby. Isn't he great?"

"Yeah, awesome. Look at him just lay there all day, drinkin' milk, and getting awarded for being fat."


(I'd be smilin' too if I were allowed to be 60% bodyfat, yet still get constant offers of boobs.)

Whatever.

I'm not jealous.

I'll leave that up to Mrs. Trumbull.

Not "coordinating myself confidently when using a ball"?


Read 'em and weep, Mrs. T.

'til next time.